It’s your first time…no, not the very first time, but the first time post-baby that you’re about to “do the deed” that created the baby in the first place. You can tell by the look in your partner’s eyes that tonight is the night, after patiently waiting for your vagina to heal (those who gave birth naturally) or long enough for your c-section incision not to dehisce. Maybe you slip on some lingerie, maybe you’ve forgotten how, either way, you are not sure if you’re looking forward to this experience. You don’t know whether it’s fear, anxiety, dread or all the above. Or maybe it’s the bright light glaring at you from the side table. Maybe you can turn that off and work from the romance that darkness brings lol.

Your body changed (you just had a baby!) but are you still as beautiful? Of course it doesn’t matter what he says because he feels obligated to say it, right?  And your friends insist you still look good, but what else do you expect them to say?. In your head, you’ve already purchased the “mom jeans” and t-shirts and tucked away any item that may be deemed as “too revealing”. After all, you’re a mother now, so you might as well wear the uniform.

Forget everything I just said. We are a generation that is setting their own rules on what it means to be mothers, sex rules included. Yes, you gave birth, it is a big deal!. But you know what else is a big deal? You! Embrace that body that has been through the war of carrying another human being. Turn those theater lights on and get ready to get down like the Kamasutra goddess that you are. Lingerie? Who needs that when your body is its own work of art. And whatever you do, do not buy those mom jeans, no matter how “comfortable” you think they are.

Here are some truths; Men like women who like themselves. ( I know, I know, why should you care what men think right?, but come on, we like it when men like us, we don’t base our whole existence on it, but it feels good to be wanted). Most people are just as insecure as you may be, men too. Sex is much better when you are confident. No one is naïve enough to think your body will remain the same after child birth, and if they are, educate them. The worries and fears are in your head, learn to silence them so you can develop a healthy sense of self that doesn’t depend on others compliments and reassurances to affirm your worth. And last but not least , if you want to lose that baby weight,have sex, lots of it. And for extra calories, don’t be afraid to get on top, after all, you’re the boss now. One more thing,don’t forget to turn the lights on.