Like most women, I have a pretty tedious bedtime routine. It takes a while from my facial routines, skin care, hair care,  to the time I slide next to my beloved’s warm body. If you’re a woman of color, you know that your hair has to be protected in a silk “bonnet” or night cap, or silk pillow, whatever you prefer to make your morning hassle free.

Of course, most nights, my beloved watches me from across the room as I fuss in the bathroom with my routines night after night.

If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, you get to know each other’s routines and soon enough, they possess no particular interest or surprise, because they’re the “norm”.

Save for the “fireworks” sessions, you settle into a nice but warm sense of security and comfort. And there’s nothing wrong with that. As adults, with adult responsibilities, no one expects you to mate like rabbits at all times when there are morning meetings and school drop offs.

So the other night, I was doing my nightly routine, and as I piled up my hair to slip on my “bonnet”, my beloved jumped up and said “oh wait babe, I got you something”. I wasn’t surprised ( he is very thoughtful, the kind that gets stuff just because), but what he had took me back and had me falling for him all over again. From his briefcase, he pulled out…you guessed it..a bonnet!!!..his explanation was that he was at the drugstore earlier and he saw the bonnets near the check out and they were XL,he remembered my hair is “bigger” right now and I struggle to fit in my bedtime ‘hat” as he calls them and he decided to get the XL for me, hoping it’ll fit better.

I mean…who wouldn’t love a man like that? Not because of the bonnet, but because of the thoughts behind the gift.

Isn’t one of the reasons we love them the fact that they think about us, even when we’re not with them? And that they do listen and observe, even when we think they’re not? And that they do want to make some parts of our lives easier, even when we think they don’t understand?

There were no tears of joy the other night after “bonnetgate” but there were fireworks…lots of fireworks.. because a man who can remember to protect my hair even when he’s busy in his day to day, is a man I can break my bedtime routine for any day…even if it’s Wednesday night and I’m on call from 4AM.

Lesson: The romance and fire is always there, but sometimes, it may not be in the big gestures that shatter the ceiling, but in the little actions that show thoughtfulness, affection and the forever kind of commitment. If you just stop and look, it’s there…I promise.