I don’t criticize other women’s choices. I realize that some have made choices I wouldn’t make, as have I. Every woman has a bag of stones she can throw at fellow women and every woman lives in an equally vulnerable glass house that could be shattered at any given time. I don’t care who you are, we all have “stuff”.

So it surprised me the other day when one of my friends openly stated that I had taken a step back in my career when I declined a higher position that would have meant more money and professional prestige but ultimately require more time away from my children. Her disappointment was obvious when I clarified that I was not willing to spend more time at work than I already was because I would miss out on even more of my kid’s lives.

This wasn’t the first time I had altered my career path for lack of support in my other endeavors, but, unlike other times, I wasn’t apologetic or guilty for turning down the position. This friend had ,in my opinion, made a choice not to have children in order to devote herself to her career. Although it’s not the choice I would’ve made, I respected it, just as I was hoping she would respect mine. I made it clear when she brought it up the second time, I was more than up to the task of defending my stance.

A wonderful thing happens when you decide to live your life unapologetically and start making choices that add non-monetary value into your life. You start to walk taller and sleep better, because you know that deep down, it’s the right thing to do; not all things of value cost money.

So it was to no surprise that 3 coworkers came up to me during the course of the week to tell me how proud they were that I had boldly declined that coveted position. Although my actions were not intended for anyone else’s benefit, I inadvertently influenced another person into action.

I cannot tell you how many women I talk to that are torn between career and family. For years we’ve been told that our place as women was at home. The women’s liberation brought us into the work place , but none of it prepared us for the divide it would create when it came to raising our children. Although most of us want to “have it all” and “do it all”, the truth is that you can only spread yourself so thin. One area of your life will get the shorter end of the stick if you’re willing to be honest.

I am one of those mothers who wants to be involved in every aspect of their child’s life, so my job taking a back seat was a no-brainer, simply because I realized that I could always make more money but not more time. And if I couldn’t have it all and had to choose one, I’d rather suck at work than at parenting.

Funny thing is, women’s choices aren’t questioned about work only ;

We ask women why they had children so early or so late. We ask them why they don’t have children. We demand to know why they’re not married by a certain age, why they’re married with no kids,or why they’re leaving a marriage or relationship that is clearly not working.

We also want to know why they’ve gained so much weight, are they eating too much? or why they’ve lost so much weight, are they not eating enough? Why they work so much or why they don’t work at all.

By “we”, I mean society, and the truth is you can’t win explaining yourself to society. People’s perspectives are skewed according to their upbringing, culture or what they deem to be right at the moment. We’re all fragile and searching for answers on what works or what’s right for us.

So when it comes to womanhood, motherhood ,career and children, let’s all give each other the space and peace to choose what works for us.

We all have choices, I hope you make the right one for YOU.

Afromomma says.