It’s no secret that social media has created a lot of pressure on young and old people alike. There are the lavish trips to islands we’ve never seen that have us craving the kind of freedom depicted in the images. Or is it the women always impeccably dressed making us contemplate a complete career change to be able to wear similar garb. We see romantic couples who seem deeply in love and we crave that kind of imaginary love that’s depicted in pictures. Which is why we get shocked and upset when the news blasts that a seemingly perfect marriage has crumbled ending in divorce, or even worse, murder. I am obviously no stranger or exception to social media but I am acutely aware of its impact.

So picture me, last week at work during down time, and by down time, I mean sneaking into the breakroom with my favorite coworkers to gulp down old coffee and gossip a bit .

During this “down time ” last week, Lisa pulls out her phone and begins scrolling on what I came to find out was Instagram, she proceeds to show us a picture of a man’s lengthy apology letter to his wife (no, nothing is private anymore) with vows to do better. As expected, most of us ooh aaa and aaaaww at the sweetness of the gesture , oh and by the way there were flowers involved. We all agreed that the gesture would guarantee forgiveness for whatever offense had been committed by the man, especially if there were flowers, we all agreed that flowers and jewelry were a must in an apology.

On my drive home, I listened to a popular podcast where the husband confesses that at one point, the wife cried for 45 straight days over some issues she was facing(most of you may have heard of it)…I didn’t pay much attention but the gist was about finding yourself and defining your happiness. Consequently, their relationship was “goals” as they had reached marriage nirvana.

*Heavy sigh* everywhere you look, it seems as though everyone is having relationships breakthroughs except you. Don’t we often jump into this lie especially when tired, moody or especially vulnerable?

I was in this mood when I walked through my door to a preoccupied man who didn’t greet me at the door or acknowledge my existence as he screamed at the TV to some sports game I presumed. “This would never have happened to the couple on Instagram”I muttered under my breath as I dropped my bag and struggled out of my jacket. As I walked past my beloved, there was a quick “hey babe,how was your day” in between game screams and a slap on my butt. I could’ve turned around and invoked a change in relationship rules but instead I burst into a smile and kicked him in return. Just like that, we had exchanged greetings after a long work day, and it felt perfectly natural.

By no means do I profess to be an expert at anything, especially relationships, but I have learned a lot, mostly through my failures.

We finally settle into the comfort of the floor after dinner and he passes me a glass of wine while asking how my new hair do held up at work……I was back in love…I babbled on about who I thought liked it and who I sensed some imaginary jealousy as he listened intently and laughed at my obvious paranoia. And in this moment, in my oversize pajamas with my bonnet and a glass of wine, I was home, in every way. But guess what? this picture won’t make it to social media…because you see, like alot of other stuff, these are things about me that wont look right on the social media showcase;

1. I don’t care for flowers, I never did.

I pretended to at first, when we met so he wouldn’t think I was a wierd girl but he figured it out once he found out the flowers died as soon as they hit the table…no one trimmed them, gave them flower food or watered them.

2. I don’t like chocolate, I will eat it, but I have the non-sweetest tooth there is….I think partly because I wasn’t raised on regular candy so it never became a habit.

3. I prefer a plane ticket to somewhere exotic over an expensive purse or shoe anyday.I don’t care for things, but I’m all about experiencing new places and faces.

4. I’m not clingy, and I don’t like to be clinged to. That means that if I need space for a few hours on my own, on my day off, then you know you’ll get the best of me when I’m done.

5. I like baths together, but please, I need to shower alone!….yes, I know it looks romantic and cute in the movies, but it’s just the type of activity best performed solo….but light some candles and throw some petals in the bath, and I’m sold.

6. I am frighteningly self-reliant. I unfortunately haven’t gotten around to changing my own tire because I have AAA fully loaded with all the extras and I try not to venture anywhere I can’t get out fast enough alone, but everything else, I’m pretty much covered. Maybe it was my early separation from dependance by going to boarding school at a young age but I am rarely a damsel in distress.

7. I’m ok with the whole door opening fiasco..lol..but we’ll probably get going quicker if we both use our very capable hands to get in the car. But by all means, hold my hand when we get there.

8. The list is not exhaustive but when you’ve reached a point in your partnership where you don’t have to pretend to like sports anymore and shamelessly watch forensic documentaries beside him as he cheers for whatever balls are being chased or thrown, and no one complains, then you my friend has a damn near perfect situation. Don’t mess it up by eating up everything being served up on that fake gold social media plate.

Are there any typical romantic gestures that you don’t care for? I know I’m not alone.