There’s a lot to being a woman, and society is here, present, and ready to tell us what that entails, or what it should look like. Women are told what to do with every turn of the century, sometimes by our fellow women, and sometimes,  by the men.

We’re prepared for what to expect at a certain age, making sure you stay up-to-date with the said societal norms and expectations. And… depending on whether you’re single, married, or in a relationship,…. or if you’re in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties or sixties… whether you’re a westernized woman, or a cultural woman,….. an African woman or a woman in the Diaspora…. there is a lot to being a woman.

I’ve felt and experienced every one of these expectations, and my challenges are probably more so because I possess all,  or most,of the criterion. I’m a woman in my thirties, a mother,a professional, a westernized woman in my opinion, but then an African woman by culture and upbringing. Yes…, it gets a little confusing when I try to box myself into a category, and overwhelming to try to fit into just one. Sometimes I don’t know whether I should live up to the norms, or do what naturally comes to me, swim against the current, and let the world adjust. I ponder these questions, because I realize that I’m raising a very spirited daughter who probably thinks the world of me, and hopes I have all the answers……Newsflash: I don’t.

So last weekend, having done everything that I said I would do up until the half of this year, I decided to reward myself. I had my babysitting arrangements intact, my tickets were booked, my bags were packed, nails were done, and my heels were zipped tight in my carry on.
After tucking the little ones and kissing them goodnight, I headed to the airport to catch the red eye to the hottest city (and I’m not talking about the weather) Hotlanta, or Atlanta, Georgia for all those who don’t know. Also known as the birthplace of the civil rights movement in America or for those who are into art,music and overall entertainment, the black mecca.

Two of my girlfriends flew in from different States and we decided to check into one of the notoriously upscale neighborhood of Buckhead.
I have very few girlfriends, all of whom share similar qualities. Like me, they’re also mothers, professionals and navigators of this thing called life. So we were ready to let our hair down because God knows we’ve been working way too hard and we thought we “still got it”..*insert wink*

Ofcourse, we started off the night with a nice dinner, and a few adult beverages…as overworked mothers who’d finally had a break,we decided we were going to drink nothing but champagne, because we wanted nothing but the best…we deserved it right?.

Atlanta, as you may know, is a city that never lacks when it comes to entertainment. You can dance the night away at some of the best clubs in the world, (I should know, I’ve been to a few), or if you wanna watch a show or movie they have theaters galore. Alternatively, if you simply just want to rest up and get ready for a day of touristic activities, a nice massage and an early night might be your thing.

Needless to say, I video-called with my kids every chance I got, but it turned out, I missed them way more than they missed me. They were happy with their electronics, their pool time, their pizzas and not having mommy there with her routines and rules. I have to admit that gave me some peace of mind to enjoy myself without too much guilt.
So kids aside, we went full on minicay mode…we went to the spa, attended some pool parties, shopped, visited the museums and indulged in nothing but southern cuisine and soul food. As if that wasn’t enough, every night up to memorial day was spent dancing the night away.

Honestly, I’m not sure whether we were having fun, or we wanted to prove to ourselves that we “still had it”. Too much champagne has a way of blurring the effects of too much introspection lol…
Monday night, having to work on Tuesday early in the morning, I was on a 5 hour flight back to Los Angeles, during which I slept all the way through, thanks to my overindulgence.
I woke up the next day feeling like I was about to have the flu, every part of my body ached, my back hurt, my feet hurt, my arms hurt,…shit!, even my eyes hurt. I thought oh my God!!, how can I be getting the flu, and it’s almost summer?…I called my physician friend who laughed and confirmed that she felt the same way. Waking up feeling like an 80-year-old in the body of a 30-something year old wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my work day. Laughing at myself that evening at the at the gym sauna, I started thinking if “I really had it”..what did that even mean ?

As with any woman of a certain age, I love to look at myself in the mirror, not just to say my affirmations and admire myself, but to see if I could recognize how time has passed. Yes.. pictures serve as a better memory… but looking at yourself in the mirror gives you the presence of the moment ….the mindfulness of being aware where you are at that exact time.
As I stared at myself in the mirror, I asked myself what it really meant to “still have it”.
I’ve always been afraid of losing myself… of not knowing myself…and if I’m going to be really honest, I have been in relationships in the past where I felt that I had lost myself…where I lived to please the other person no matter how it made me feel.
Does still having it mean that you can still party for days like you did in your twenties and still go to college and still hold a fulltime job? or does it mean holding yourself accountable for your goals, your life, your decisions and their outcomes?

I don’t know about you, but this mama still got it, not in the same way that I had it in my twenties, but in the way a 30-something-year old accomplished woman has it.I have my health, I have a family and friends that I love dearly, and I’m blessed that they love me back. I have a career doing what I love, that feeds my passion and purpose. I have a home that I worked hard for, and a spiritual center that keeps me grounded. Financially, I’m not where I want to be, but I’m where I need to be in this moment of time. I don’t struggle from paycheck to paycheck like I used to a few years ago, but I also can’t spend lavishly with abandon like I aim to one day(Amen?!).
So to all the women of a certain age, still struggling to find out if you still got it… evaluate the parts of your life that are important to you… if you are where you want or need to be, or if you are working on your journey to the place you know you’re meant to be, then yes sis, you still got it. You still got your goals in view, you still got the drive and ambition, and hopefully you know that you still got what it takes to live life on your own terms. You only lose it if you stop growing, if you stop dreaming and if you stop going after the things that make you a better version of yourself. So what’s stopping you?

Once in a while, I’ll still break out the heels, call my baddest girls, and go break our spines the only way sisters can, because this mama knows that’s part of  balance, part of what makes life exciting and exhilarating, the occasional excesses that prevent life from becoming mundane. But do I want to do these things as I did in my twenties, broke, in college, lost, looking for myself?… No way, I am in a much better place, and it gets better with time.
I’m so proud to say I finally believe it..the future is female …and if the men wanna come along, they’re invited, because let’s face it,what’s life without a little excitement and entertainment from the male species.
Afromomma says.