Role absolutes..there’s the gender you’re born in, and then there are roles assigned to that gender. And at each age, there are age-appropriate stages and behaviors that prove milestone achievement… right? says who?
So I’m friends with a mechanic, you know, those people that fix cars?..she has 2 kids and goes to my zumba class at the gym..yep, I said “she”..so when she told me what she does, my hypocrisy reared its head..”but you’re a woman, that’s such a guys job? all the grease and…” wow! I just heard myself contradict everything I stand for… she wasn’t upset, she’s used to that kind of reaction..she grew up around cars and happens to love them..no further explanation needed…
Which made me wonder, how authentic are we with ourselves? Are you a hypocrite? Are there things you enjoyed doing that you no longer do because your gender-assigned, society-mandated blueprint has defined your whole existence? Are you the corporate manager who no longer paints with wine, or the wife that no longer strip teases in the mirror while she gets dressed? Are you the nurse that no longer sings…are you whatever your other life dictates and have you abandoned those things that made you come to life because they don’t fit into the image you’re trying to project?
We’d all like to say that we’re working in the fields of our dreams and we’re doing what we love in all aspects of life…..but who are we kidding? because even the ones who do what they love need a break once in a while…that’s why “have a job you don’t need a vacation from” isn’t a realistic expectation for anyone. Classic example?..I love my kids to the moon and back, but there’s that once in a while when Mommy wants to be just her, no kids attached… What’s wrong with that?
So my mechanic friend cooks better in her head than she actually does (I’ve tasted her food), and I dance better in my head than I actually do (She’s seen my sorry zumba moves that haven’t improved..😂), but that doesn’t stop us from enjoying those things that we’ve always enjoyed doing before all the responsibilities.
The road to losing yourself is so subtle that most of us don’t realize it until it’s too late. Until you look at an old picture and see the look of joy that has since left your face. Or until you ran into that brochure for a painting class that brings back the memories.
But then you don’t have permission to do or be those things anymore because you often tell yourself that it’s too late, that’s in the past and life’s changed. Or worst of all, what will people say?
The only past I want to bury is that which took a piece of my happiness away, that which made me feel small and unworthy and that which no longer serves the human I’m trying to become. But the past that made me come alive and see the goodness in everyday things, that past, I want to improve upon and nourish my life abundantly in its form.

I  know when we stop doing things that bring little joys and thrills in our lives, we die a little everyday, whether,we admit it or not. But when we invite our versatile selves into our daily lives, we become creative humans who have no time to judge and hate, but do great things. So tomorrow, I’m gonna have my 8 year old teach me that dance routine I’ve been wanting to learn so we can have a dance off on the weekend…, and as for you, afromomma says, …Go Be Great.