In my 20s?..of course I could “twa twa” anywhere with my then love of my life..I had plenty of time, plenty of money as a 20 year old RN with no kids or mortgage and a free spirit to carry me through this newfound land of the free.

I don’t know about other generations, but I know that millenials are on this wave of unapologetic discovery of themselves and each other hence earning ourselves the reputation of narcissistic unrealism loathed by generations before us….yikes! even that definition sounded vaunting….but my point is, we’re not afraid to embark on self discovery in all areas of our lives, either professionally, socially or spiritually. In that comes the sexual exploration of norms and taboos that come with partnership and marriage. Obviously,  these aren’t the same relationships our grandparents had….maybe better, maybe worse?

Majority of the African women, that includes yours truly and the friends she’s interviewed, were raised to talk about sex in hushed tones in the dark. Before marriage, most may have had sex but we had to look like virgins and by all means, not be the initiators of sex in the relationship.
To date, not only are women taught to hold sex as a secret Encounter that is dirty or forbidden (depending on the context)..but men will pretend to frown at the overly sexual female in public while secretly craving them in private. There’s an unspoken rule of missionary with your wife and adventurous unrestrained rampage with your…for lack of a better word…side chic…mpango wa kando.We can argue and exclude ourselves from the narrative but I think you catch my drift.
So a certain preacher made headlines a few weeks ago advising women that sex is one of the major glues that holds a marriage together…she went further to encourage women to perform the “twa twa ” act accompanied with gestures and actions..anywhere and everywhere with their significant others. It was gloriously hysterical as she became the Kenyan internet sensation. Hence the birth of the word twa twa which was received with mixed reactions, especially by women.

Isn’t this what we’ve always wanted? the freedom to merge religion with our primal desires of sexual satisfaction? Haven’t most of our religiously saturated lives been waiting for a holy servant of the word to tell us that it’s okay to want that act anywhere outside of the bedroom? So why the uproar?..why the criticism and passive aggressive fun poking on this issue?
And another thing, aren’t most of us doing that already? or should we continue pretending that the ‘twa twa’ everywhere is for the “loose” women or girls with no morals *insert pretentious eye roll*?
A discussion with my American born/ raised girlfriends revealed that most of their upbringing wasn’t that different. The obligation for women to uphold society’s moral standards not relegated to men is the same all over the world. Women are told to dress modestly so they can find a husband, speak softly so they don’t end up single, bend over backwards as expert cooks and housekeepers as a show of good wifehood and above all, keep the sex talk in the bedroom. Because why? because that’s what men want…’ a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets ” not my words.
The sad part is, the enforcers of these morality standards are…guess who?..women!!!. Most men just follow the trend and condemn what we tell them is contemptuous. They dissaprove what we cue them to dissaprove, but really and truly, they’re just following our lead..”you teach people how to treat you “, sound familiar?
We can proclaim women supporting women all day long but if another Woman’s personal choices dictate your attitude towards her, then you’re part of the crew that needs to unlearn the rhetoric.
So next time that friend is gossiping about how many men that “hoe” has slept with, ask her how many women the men have in turn slept with. Next time you feel the urge to criticize that woman whose skirts never touch her knees, ask yourself if the muslim women dressed in abaya face lesser judgement (they don’t).
Dear Women, the day you remove the shame and stigma from sex is the day you take it’s power away. You see that lady you call a slut? hit her up and learn a thing or 2, you may start learning that sex is very pleasurable, very healing and therapeutic when done right and with the right intentions.
Now go ye and twa twa unapologetically..
p.s please stop faking orgasms these men won’t learn if you keep stroking their ego with your lies.
p.p.s, try vabbing too 😂🏃🏿‍♀️.
afromomma says.