It’s an African thing, or kenyan or culture,  I don’t know, but from all my research, women seem to be the ones at the forefront of self-sacrifice when it comes to going for what you want. Ideally,  for most women, the most important race is to the altar…the holy grail of wifehood where you can bask in the accomplishment that is slowly losing its meaning, marriage. I mean, you start as a little girl, playing with dolls, playing house, cooking, feeding the baby etc…until recently, even toys were very precise as to their purpose to shape society.  Cars, dinosaurs and engines belonged to the boys while dolls, bows and flowers belonged to the girls….you get the gist right?
So it’s no wonder we grow up anxiously waiting to be picked or chosen by “the one” so we can birth a little us and repeat the cycle all over again.
Long story longer, most research asserts that 55% of women are people pleasers (google it), not as high as I thought it would be, but vs the 40% men who are, we’re still tipping the scales. Hence, most women struggle to create boundaries,  hate saying no, and end up poorly taking care of ourselves.
  Our counter-sex rarely suffers from that problem. They’re straightforward,  succinct and unwavering in their boundaries,  especially when dealing with each other.  But this post isn’t about them, we’ll tackle that species later.
To be honest,  I wasn’t raised for the female role in the tyìpical sense.  My Dad, a strict disciplinarian, emphasized on academic excellence and achievement,  my mom, a professional career woman, wasn’t exactly worried that I couldn’t cook a perfect Ugali (I’m kisii) let alone boil water.
Growing up with 4 brothers, I hustled and tussled with the best of them, refusing to be treated “like a girl”.So forgive my shock when I found myself fitting the statistics of over-nurturing,  self-neglecting female, mother of all. I don’t know when I became the people-pleaser who lacked boundaries and bent over backwards so as not to ruffle any feathers. Of course the result was a burned out often anxious and self-sabotaging me that didn’t live up to the promises she made to herself.
As I do every year, I took sometime to self-reflect on goals for the year. Now normally,  they’re paper-chasing goals, you know, getting the bag, creating a legacy,  climbing up the ladder etc..
But this year,  I decided to focus on personal and spiritual experiences,  growth that starts from the inside. I know it’s cliche but really,  your internal environment is the single most important thing that determines everything else.
I realized how much unnecessary baggage I was carrying,  most of which wasn’t even mine to carry. So here’s how I’ve started the process of liberating this girl child, this year. I’ll share some of my thoughts from my very personal journal,  so now y’all know I care about you 😘.
This year…..,
✳️I’ll stopped obsessing  over everything  and everyone, I’ve realized that I don’t like everyone and not everyone likes me…
✳️I will show up for myself by letting in relationships that feel good and letting  go of those that drain me…
✳️I will move with intention and act on my convictions..
✳️I will stop labeling myself and instead, learn about me….
✳️I will honor myself enough to make changes to become the person I envision for myself….
…..and since you’re still here with me this year, and you’ve read up to this point, what are your intentions for yourself?
…..I’ve lived up to this, 70% of the time…And in that spirit, one of my jobs called me for an unscheduled day, I said No, I promised to take my daughter to the mall…Enforce your boundaries,  even when people don’t like them
…signed fellow mama.